Working Man

Both of us had noticed a rash of inequities during my pregnancy regarding social assumptions about the father's role in this whole baby thing. People regularly asked me how I was feeling, or whether I was excited, anxious, etc. about what was coming. Rarely did anyone outside of our circle of, I guess, a few enlightened friends and family ask Jason how he felt, as his own fatherhood approached. Is it really that embedded in our culture that fathers will take or are expected to take a less passionate, less involved, secondary role in parenting? If so, that's unfortunate.

This phenomenon probably irked Jason only because, conversely, impending fatherhood has mattered so much to him. He's so committed to being a tremendous part of her life. I'll be pumping my breast milk, not because I need a break or want to "hand off" something to him, but because he wants to feed her at night, bond with her. He has spent months collecting things for us to enjoy as a family. Our i-pod is full of all the music he's excited to share with her. I think I even saw Storey-love in his eyes while she was screaming bloody murder, flailing her feet into a very tarry diaper during a recent change.


And tomorrow, well, he has to go back to work. We talk about it. It's very sad. For both of us. It makes me motivated to heal faster so that ideally nothing at home (meals, laundry, groceries, etc.) is waiting for him when he gets home. Not because that's what moms or housewives are supposed to do. Not because I'll have lots of "time on my hands" during the day. Yeah, both of these ideas can rot in the same cultural crap bucket as "fathers are 2nd-tier on the parent pyramid" as far as I'm concerned. Rather, if his heart has to break every morning upon leaving, it should have the opportunity to mend every night when he comes home, as he spends time with her, with us.